“Moisturizer Blows” – Some Dermatologist

Tubs of creme are whack. 

What a colossal waste of time.

When I was in college, we had some badass dermatologist come into our sorority for a chapter enrichment meeting and tell us that no, there is not one moisturizer in the world, no matter how rare and expensive, that would ever make a difference in our lives or on our faces, ever. SORORITY BOMBSHELL! People were really upset. All that slathering for naught.

He went a step further: “None of them will prevent or even slow your aging a tiny bit. Other than SPF and Retin-A, you are wasting your time and money on bottles of junk that do little else than plump up your skin with superficial moisture and keep it from feeling dry.” He didn’t even have an angle like “…the one exception is my Meaningful Beauty miracle fluid I developed with rare melon extracts in France.” He just told us “don’t waste money on loshe”, “wear SPF” and hit the dusty trail like a boss.

So get it through your head: moisturizer is meaningless. Straight from a derm that you basically have to just trust me exists.

You might as well spend this money on a bunch of Sugarland paraphernalia.

Depressing, or liberating? Either way, hard to believe. There are millions of middle-aged people wasting their cash money on tubs of benign, seaweed extract-filled tubs at boring makeup counters across our mislead country and world.

But when you really think about it, it kind of makes sense. Has moisturizer ever made any particularly recognizable change to your face? I mean, it can temporarily make your skin look vaguely wetter. But it all evaps! There are definitely no anti-aging or special face benefits at all that come with even the most expensive tubs, in this derm’s (and my) opinion.

Since then,  I have never given a second thought to:

Moisturizer (Unless my skin is dry to the point of flakes, in which case I use this $5 La Mer dupe.)

Eye Cream

Masques (unless TJ and I happen to be really bored, in which case I put an old, free editor-ey tube of Bliss Pore Clarifying Mask on his T-Zone while we watch Storage Wars. But it doesn’t do anything, it’s just to see if he’ll let me put stuff on his face. Once I put mascara on his eyelashes in exchange for walking the dog for a full weekend. It was worth it.)

“Cooling Gels”

“Illuminators” (unless they have shimmer)

“Hydrating Fluid”

“Night Repair”

“Youth Regenerating Creams”

“Line Reducers”

So for a long time I’ve essentially been self-tanning and slapping makeup over the top. I’ve since started to notice minor Luke Perry lines on my forehead. I thought I had nowhere to turn besides fillers and needles (ewww), until a makeup artist who did my makeup for New Year’s Eve suggested I try…

…the first skin product that’s ever done anything cool for me.

Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel, $16 for 10 applications

So these little pads are all any person–young, old or 27–needs to have flawless, ten year-old child skin. They combat fine lines, reduce the look of existing wrinks, promote even skin tone and texture, reduce pore size and clear up acne.

After one application, I saw a difference. Totally different from cleansers, Biore strips and moisturizers you have to convince yourself are working. You simply take the fast-acting Alpha Beta Peel wet nap #1 and rub it all over your face until the wipe becomes dry. After you let it tingle and work it’s magic for only two minutes, you use the Neutralizing wet nap #2 and rub it all over until it’s dry, to soothe. Even though it’s a “peel”, nothing visibly peels or scrubs off. You really just feel like you’re wet napping your face.

I notice my Luke Perry lines far less, see red mark remnants fading, have smoother and softer skin that is totally a better canvas for makeup and just, bask in an overall glowey skin tone. These things are gentle and totally didn’t fry my skin or cause any irritation.

You can use them daily, but I’ve read on the message boards and forums (which are packed with overwhelmingly positive reviews) that a half-wipe daily or wipe every few days also does the trick.

Don’t even get me started on his other magic tricks like Alpha Beta Glow Pads, which exfoliate and self-tan. Dying.

One ten-pack and you’ll be hooked!

Buy here.

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