I accidentally just drank half a fifth of vodka on a Monday night.
I’m exaggerating, as always. It was split between a Monday and Tuesday…
…but I was at home by myself both nights watching lame TV. By the way, when did Gossip Girl get boring? Like I want to kick up my heels after a long day to catch up with Lily and Rufus.
So I guess a quarter of a fifth two days in a row isn’t too outrageous compared to some of the seasoned sorority drinkers I’ve rubbed elbows with. But I’m used to tequila. I only spring for other alcohols when they’re absurd flavors. (See also: Fireball Whiskey). Vodka, for me, is usually reserved for nights when I’m scamming on poor chumps’ bottles/tables at bachelorette parties.
What was I talking about?
This past holiday season, Smirnoff released a duo of vodkas, Fluffed (marshmallow) and Whipped (whipped cream) flavors. If you know anything about me and my obsession with marshmallow and Easter candy, you know that anything fluffy and vanilla is in my wheelhouse. Candy is a part of my DNA, from both sides of my family. We’re all candy pervs.
Do you get it now?
Get to the vodka, Claire.
OK. Well, this stuff is unlike most dessert-scented spirits, perfumes, and flavors that are dumbed down to a simple chocolate or vanilla-tasting one-note. How many S’more or cookie dough-flavored lip glosses or candles as a child did you buy that ended up just being chocolate? Or cupcake that ended up being vanilla? What a letdown.
NO. Fluffed vodka by Smirnoff is a legitimate MARSHMALLOW-flavored vodka. Which is really narrow little crevice to flavor yourself into. Marshmallow is a subtle, subtle little flave, and it’s not just Jet-Puffed out of the bag marshmallow, it’s a toasty, stick-impaled campfire marshmallow, sans burned edges. Smirnoff was somehow able to smash it out of the ballpark with a hammer. Is that possible? Yes, yes it is. Still in my system.
If you’re like TJ (Too Judgy), or my friends at work, or most other people I know, you’re probably shaking your head and saying “I don’t like sweet drinks,” “I don’t drink vodka” or “I don’t think I’d like that”. For the record, I probably don’t like you as much as you think I do. We must not have a lot in common. But hear me out: While the flavor is marshmallow, it’s a vodka (not a liqueur) so there is no actual sugariness. BUT it also doesn’t taste like alcohol- there is no sharp boozey feel at all. You won’t have that uncomfortable vodka soda poison sensation like you do at the cleurb.
It’s just a perfect magic potion of pure, unadulterated marshmallow flavor, sans burn. I mix with La Croix soda for a 95-cal dessert. Which I then have second and third helpings of.
I need supervision.