Archive of ‘Calories’ category

World’s Sickest Loaf

OMG Claire is writing about food again? Wow, she must’ve really let herself go. Well maybe I have. So what? In case you hadn’t heard, I’m 27 and nothing matters anymore. I am going to an Oregon Ducks tailgate tomorrow any my mom has the dopest bread recipe in existence from her friend Kim’s friend’s […] Read more…

So, An Ice Cream Sandwich on a Baguette Happened

So that’s what that genius chef was doing inside the dessert center of my brain. Conducting a survey. You’re either clapping at your laptop right now, (claptop?) or grimacing. I totally understand, either way. TJ (which stands for Too Judgy) was out of town, leaving the perfect opening for me to craft some dessert magic. […] Read more…

Carb Face: Auntie Anne’s Pretzel Bites Recipe

Stuffing your face lately? Just throw this on the pile. You might argue that pretzel bites are something you eat while power-shopping, frantic and about to pass out. Well, to that I would say: you’re right. They’re typically an emergency mall kiosk impulse buy. But did you know: they’re also actually not THAT bad for you, […] Read more…

NOT SPONSORED: Sexiest Ice Cream Ever

Contrary to popular belief, the Royal Wedding is not the biggest thing to come out of the UK this year. So, ladies and gents, prepare yourself for the Next Big Thing: Double Caramel Fantasy Has anybody had a Magnum Ice Cream Bar while overseas? They came to America from the U.K. this March, and are […] Read more…

God Dammit, I Love Toast.

Except for when Rachaeaeael Ray has anything to do with it. Who am I kidding, Rachael Ray only makes chicken stock dishes that look like wet dog food. Also, I have to ask: does her wristwatch really need to be fastened THAT tightly around her manhands? I don’t know why I keep having Rachael Ray […] Read more…

Cupcake People: Get a Life

Does anybody else’s ears bleed when they hear the word “cupcakery”? I was enjoying a little Restaurant: Impossible the other day (during a short leg of my three month Food Network marathon)- the show is this crazy drill Sargent who Gordon Ramsay’s failing restaurant owners into changing their decor and menus and everything to HIS […] Read more…

Marshmallow Products that Don’t Contain Marshmallows

and other wholesome things. It’s hard to become a chic, sophisticated French Woman Who Doesn’t Get Fat when your heart really belongs to hydrogenated oils. I enjoy a piece of fruit on occasion, but honestly: my insides are comprised completely of sugary, starchy bad-for-you-ness. I have shortbread bones, wussy Peeps muscles, a Twinkie heart stuffed […] Read more…

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