April Perk Picks

Word up. Who’s ready to skim over my monthly blog post list of greedy, shallow irrationality? Let’s get started, clockwise from top.

1. ModelCo Tanning Glove, $28 for six

I am to self-tanner what Miles Redmond from Sideways is to wine. An insufferable know-it-all connoisseur. Foams, sprays, gels, pumps, wipes…tried ’em all, and I can speak to the color, formula, smell, staying power- just about anything you’d want to know about any brand. My go-to is L’Oreal Sublime Bronze, for what it’s worth.

Anyway, a lot of times I just feel like a Cullen and looking at myself just drains any energy I might have had to put on lotion or go to a spray tanning place. </lazy> That’s where these ModelCo gloves come in. They’re moistened mitts you slip on your hand and rub all over yourself- BOOM. Takes two minutes and it’s clear, so you can toss on clothing as soon as it’s dry. No-nonsense and not too dark. Just golden glory.

2. BaubleBar

I have become a total jewelry junkie, to the point where I bought an Ikea jewelry dresser to contain it all (scarves, glasses, wallets and belts live in there, too!).

There’s been a kind of a void in the jewelry world, in my opinion; we have tons of fine jewelry, pretty and handmade Etsy jewelry and the Forever Trash/cheap stuff that disintegrates the second you leave the store. BaubleBar is a very welcome and prolific site that offers a constant stream of reasonably-priced, RAD jewelry that doesn’t break the bank or turn your fingers green. They offer $10 off your first bauble when you start an account and weekly $10 “Buried Bauble” treasures you have to dig for, like a cyber Jack Sparrow.

3. Design Love Fest

If you’ve ever enjoyed The Beauty Department, Cupcakes and Cashmere or Rue Magazine, you know the genius of graphic designer Bri Emery. Her own blog, Design Love Fest, is full of cool crafts and goodies and advice for bloggers/pseudo-graphic designers who do everything in Keynote. Like yours truly.

Best of all, she holds a traveling series of Blogshop crash Photoshop courses where she and her co-founder teach “everything they know” to bloggers in two jam-packed days. She just so happens to be coming to my neck of the woods this summer! I checked every day and snapped up a spot the second it was available. Brace yourselves for a much more adorable PerkDaily.com.

4. H&M Skirt, $39

I stalked this skirt. I found it in like a 0 in a store and the other sizes were sold out. I then harassed salespeople and Giuliana ransacked numerous H&Ms until I found it. Isn’t the seafoam color dreamy? Also, it has cool mermaid-like scallops and is made of a thick, almost neoprene-esque fabric.

5. Celebrity Apprentice, Sundays on NBC at 8 p.m.

I have an allergic reaction (opposite) to Donald Trump: the more buffoonlike and unreasonable and terrible he acts, the more I can’t get enough. He’s abhorrent, each contestant essentially is judged by their own set of rules, it’s a completely fake and indulgent two hours of bull each week. I agree that it’s terrible, but I am into it? That is a question.

Also, the celebrities this time around were beamed here from a parallel universe. Aubrey O’Day and Teresa Giudice look and act like cartoon characters. You have Clay Aiken and Penn Jillette fighting about God-knows-what and Arsenio Hall screaming at Aubrey O’Day. Blue Man Group popping balloons of cash in the middle of NYC city blocks. Medieval Times. Crystal Light cocktail parties. Celebrity Apprentice is what I look forward to most every weekend. I want to physically ingest it.t

6. NARS Pure Matte Lipstick in Madere, $28

As someone with fat lips who can’t wear bright lipstick, I have fat lips and can’t wear bright lipstick. Red lips make me look like Bozo The Clown. I have to rely on nudes.

This Pure Matte color is super nude, but has just enough pink in it to keep it looking like total concealer lip. It’s extraordinarily matte and chalky so a little goes a long way and you should probably top it off with a lil something like Sara Happ’s Lip Slip.

7. Topless Lauren Conrad

This is embarrassing, but I am obsessed with the new Glamour cover and fashion spread featuring a topless Lauren Conrad. She just makes me want to be skinny and tan and in Blumarine flowered hotpants by a pool someplace.

You do have to admire how they made a topless girl appealing to women- you don’t see that often!

See more here.

8. The Body Shop Chocomania Body Butter, $18

OMG. I’m not a big chocolate person, I favor anything coconut/cake/vanilla/cotton candy/marshmallow, but when I stopped by a The Body Shop for the first time since 1998, I was drawn to their Chocomania body butter.

It doesn’t smell like outright chocolate. Its aroma is a blend of rich, intoxicating, nutty cocoa that came out of a barrel in a market in a Brazilian jungle princess’ kingdom. I have tried a billion lotions and cremes, and this one is just so much better than everything else put together. I mix it with the coconut one and smell like a Mounds bar.

Also, it’s free of parabens and sulfates which I’ve recently worried incessantly became concerned about.

9. Sarah Frances Kuhn Camera Straps, prices vary

Don’t you love needing new accessories you didn’t know existed five seconds ago? Sarah Frances Kuhn creates camera straps that look like Chanel straps. You just tie onto your cam. You can buy wristlets for your little guys or long “super deluxe” chains for your SLR.

10. Kate Spade Sunny Hills Ellie, $228

There are few things I can imagine that would be cuter than a pool clutch. This neon, waterproof little Kate Spade purse comes in highligher yellow and is real purse-sized, so you can stuff it with your sunscreen, a swimsuit, nail polish and whatever else you bring to the pool.

Think it’s big enough to hold Coronas?

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